I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Brown...

Update 4/10 - I've written a few follow-up comments that provide further perspective to points in this post.

Alternate title - "An amateur food blogger gets to be on his favorite TV show ever."

There are some dreams that are so impossible, so ridiculous, that you never really think they'll actually come true. I may never actually fly into space, but last October I had the opportunity to check one of my "yeah right" dreams off my list.

Astute readers of this blog will no doubt know of my affection for Good Eats. Long story short, it's the best program on television since the A-team.

So you can imagine my surprise when I received an e-mail from a friend of mine asking if I'd like to be an extra on an upcoming episode. I don't know how long I was out for, but when I came to I found out that GE was shooting in the area and was looking for extras. The show was supposed to be about scallops, and I was to go to the shoot at 1:30.

I was understandably nervous when I ditched work and met Jenny on the way to the site. I really had no information on what to expect, so my game plan was to look like I knew what I was doing and sort of blend into the crowd. I was waiting outside when Jenny nudged me and pointed to the window. There, through the looking glass, was AB finishing the chalkboard work for our scallop anatomy lesson. That was my first "what the heck am I doing here" (WTHAIDH) moment of the day. It certainly wasn't the last.

I'm not one for fame. Personally, I think I'm famous enough having the 203,775th most popular blog in the universe. What I was really hoping to see was what goes on when the camera rolls, and what goes into making an episode. I was expecting to see some kind of super-big budgeted affair with dozens of assistants and people yelling "time is money" and "quiet on the set!" In actuality, it was more of a high-school play affair, except with a way better AV crew. Everyone was having a good time, pitching in to help make a prop here or fix something there. Heck, I even chipped in and helped bandage one of the characters (watch the show). Now I'm glad I spent all those hours practicing first aid in the Scouts.

It's hysterical to see how free-flowing and off the cuff a lot of the humor is. Alton and the crew seem to write the details of the show as they go along. He had a script, but once he got a look at the 9 or so extras the scene just sort of unfolded from there. He made up "backstories" for all of us on the spot.

As the afternoon progressed, I got to know several of the lovely people on the crew. Everyone I talked to had been on the show since the pilot, and it was very clear that everyone loves what they do. I'm sure they're really nice to the extras since we clearly don't know what we're doing. We were more like 2nd graders on a field trip to the zoo than trained thespians.

I had an interesting chat with the cameraman about the show's new look (they changed formats from TV to HDTV this season). I asked if they had also filmed the first episode ("Steak Your Claim") in HDTV since the cinematography looked similar, but Alton replied that was done on film. I'll have you note that I remembered the title on the spot and no doubt impressed everyone around with my encyclopedic knowledge of the show. Or maybe not.

AB seems like one of those guys who knows exactly how everything should look and feel on the show, sort of like a Food Networked Brad Bird (you need to watch the special features on The Incredibles to see what I mean). It was obvious that he knew precisely how he wanted lines delivered or how the props should be placed. To their credit, the crew seemed on board every step of the way. They also make terrific actors (or vice versa?) as several of them pitched in on the scene. I imagine the group gets to laugh on the job quite a bit...

As if this wasn't amazing enough, Jenny and I both got lines in the show. I was just sitting there quietly trying not to freak out and act like the psycho superfan while Alton was doling out parts. Suddenly, without warning, he pointed to me and said,"Say, 'There ain't no barracuda round here!'" WTHAIDH indeed. I mustered my best Georgia militant redneck and belted my lines out with bravado and strength! Apparently, it was good enough for him and the bit part was mine! Jenny mustered an excellent and emotional "Don't worry, we'll get you a new one..." (watch the show) and got her own share of the spotlight.

I was doing pretty well, remaining calm, until time came to shoot my close-up. Suddenly I found myself staring into a 40 lb. HDTV camera with a microphone over my head and Alton Brown coaching me and giving me lines. It was then that the WTHAIDH panic hit it's peak. Actually it was more of a "WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING HERE! I'M NOT AN ACTOR, I'M AN ENGINEER!...MOMMY!!"

You have to understand that the closest I have ever come to anything artsy was the summer in college I dropped a required engineering class (taught by an unintelligible old guy) to take a psych class led by a gorgeous 28 year old instructor. Sorry Dad, I'll pay you back for those extra credit-hours.

Alton reminded us more than once that this was just a food show on cable TV, but that's just not true. This is Good Eats! I didn't want to be responsible for ruining my favorite show. I don't think he understood that the fate of the universe banked on my performance! I know I was feeling it.

So I botched my close up. AB was a good sport and tried to not let me know that I sucked, but I know deep down in my heart that I was more Razzie than Oscar. Jenny, on the other hand, nailed her lines and close-ups. That's my little drama queen!

As of right now, I don't know how much we're going to be on the show, which airs tonight at 10PM, and again several times over the next week. Whether or not we end up on the cutting room floor, it was worth it to spend a day as part of the cast and crew of Good Eats.

Now, if anyone's asking, my most obscure GE dream is to appear as a "fed" on an episode. I've even got my own black suit and sunglasses...

P.S. - I wanted to apologize to AB for stealing the leading picture for this post. He was working, and I pulled out my camera and snapped one. It was rude, and I truly feel sorry for it. Alton - next time I see you, I'd like to give you a beer or some cheese. Your pick.

Update 4/6 - Awesome, both of our close-ups made it in the show. We're in the scene after the opening "Good Eats" jingle!