Great Balls of Fire!

In a discussion on the merits of tailgating and other pre-game rituals, Jenny noted that tailgating is just an excuse "for guys to drink beer, eat food that's bad for you and talk sports." Not since the Gettysburg Address had such a statement been so succinct and so true.

Tailgating is all about food with balls, not sissy cucumber sandwiches and tea. As I was planning my last tailgating menu I was concerned that fish tacos were a little too fru-fru for such an event. It wasn't until George Duran took us on a spicy food tour on HOTS that I found what I was looking for...grilled jalapeno poppers!

First, I needed some special equipment. Ol' George had himself a fancy jalapeno grilling rig. I checked my local patio and bbq store, and such an item ran about $25. I thought that was a little excessive, so I set out to make my own. In retrospect, it wasn't worth the time. It takes forever to bend up a sheet of steel and drill 20 holes big enough for the peppers. Don't be a cheapskate and pick up the real thing. Or you can get an aluminum tin and punch a couple of holes. Trust me, I learned about this afterwards.

Other than the equipment, the only other major concern is the filling. Since I was looking to prove a point by making a low-point tailgating spread, I determined that my little fiery creations should follow suit.

My filling consists of fat-free refried beans (about 1/2 of a can), green onions (handful, sliced thin), turkey bacon (handful, chopped) and some cayenne pepper, salt and a few squirts of chipotle tabasco thrown in for good measure. I made about 4 times more filling than I actually needed, so keep track of those points.

I got the excellent idea of loading the filling in a zip-lock baggie to create an impromptu piping bag at the party. This worked great until the second pepper, when the cheapo bag esploded all over my prep table and I had to use my (clean) fingers to fill each morsel.

Speaking of which, I just lopped off the top of each pepper and scraped out all the seeds. In light of previous jalepeno incidents, I used a pair of latex gloves to insulate my hands and eyes from the hell juice. My friends all got a kick out of that.

Once filled, each popper gets topped with a little Mexican blend shredded cheese, and thrown into the grill.

As for how long to grill them for, I have no idea. Let's say a beer's worth of time, or if you're like my friends take 3 beers worth (30-40 minutes, I guess, for the designated drivers).

Here's the glorious end result. Sizzling hot, with just enough toasted cheese on top. As you can see, my crappy home made grilling rig didn't do a very good job of keeping them upright. The good news is that the cheese kept everything from spilling out.

Eating these bad boys is a little like playing Russian roulette in your mouth. If you're really good at scraping out the insides of the peppers, the flavor is pretty tasty and mild. If not, I suggest you have liquid relief standing by.

These babies barely register a ripple on the points meter. The beans, cheese and turkey bacon are the only elements that are above zero points, so count accordingly. My entire batch of 12 poppers came out to around 4 points. So by the time your stomach is begging for mercy, you're down about a point or two.