Getting anointed with Q at Kreuz Market

For my regulars, excuse me as I wander WAY off topic for this week as I recount my BBQ pilgrimage to Lockhart, TX. I promise I'll return to my healthier ways quite soon!

My heart was absolutely pounding by the time we rolled into the giant parking lot of Kreuz Market in Lockhart. We'd been in the car for nearly 21 straight hours, and I was terrified that all my months of hype and all my excitement were for naught, and that in truth the barbecue wouldn't be as good as I was expecting. I'd already started preparing my apologies to my four companions for dragging them this far from home! If I'd known then what I know now, I think I'd have felt a little better!

By this time, we'd eaten scarcely little food as all of us were saving ourselves for the feast at Kreuz. So it's no surprise that the first wafts of smoky, meat-scented air lifted us to a lather at the front door. The barbecue vapor is so thick in the cavernous building that it even overpowered the smell of the urinal cakes in the bathroom (see the "21 hour" note, above).

We took some time to scan the menu and their sign which famously declares "No sauce, No forks, no kidding." Timidly, I walked into the pit room.

I sat for a minute or two, just taking it in. Here was the ultimate evolution of the smoker, the long brick pits of the professional barbecue artist. It was the biological equivalent of the African Elephant to my little amoeba. Off to one side, the post oak was burning fierce, and occasionally the many handlers would dig deep into the Mary Poppins bag and surface with a truly enormous cut of beef.

There to meet it was this man, Roy Perez. He's the pitmaster at Kreuz and possibly the manliest man I've ever seen. Check out those lamb chops! All my fellow pilgrims were dutifully impressed.

Every cut of beef hits that table for slicing and distributing. A small crew of helpers then weigh the beef and take payment. Not having any idea of proper serving sizes, I ordered 2 lbs. of brisket, 1 lb. of beef shoulder, 5 regular sausage links and 5 jalapeno sausage links. All meats served at Kreuz (and every other BBQ place in Lockhart) are accompanied by a hearty pile of white bread (you know, for variety) and served on a stack of heavy butcher paper. Side dishes were offered, but we skipped those in order to save more room for brisket. I can get baked beans at home. We did grab a couple of Shiners since it seemed like the right thing to do.

My guys were super understanding as I kept them waiting to eat so I could snap a few pictures (none of which came out). Finally, I sounded the bugle call and we all charged for the meat pile!

It only took me one bite to realize that I was woefully underqualified to eat the wares at Kreuz. That should be left to poets, song writers and other artists who are more qualified to recount the glories of this Earth than this lowly man.

The crust was sharply salty and flavorful, and the meat had a textbook smoke ring. At first I thought the brisket looked a little dry, but soon learned that it was so tender and soft that it literally fell apart in your hands. No conversation flowed at our table short of a few grunts and moans understood amongst men to mean "too good, must eat more".

Here's my buddy Rudy having at it. The beef shoulder was new to me. Talk about your guilty pleasures! It's so deliciously fatty! The butcher paper was soaked through with runoff. Honestly, I could have eaten the paper as dessert.

My friends were apprehensive on the ride down to Lockhart as I explained that there was no sauce allowed in Lockhart BBQ. Now, as we devoured our meal it was obvious how unnecessary sauce was. The only flavors necessary were the rub applied to the meat, and the glorious post oak smoke.

Kreuz sells their seasoning for home use, but I decided that that was a lesson in futility. There's no way I could ever duplicate this kind of flavor and texture at home, at least not without years of practice and perfection.

We finished our meal and milled around for a little while longer, just to take it all in. After summoning up the courage to ask (I was really shy), I finally got to snap a picture with Roy. He was a super cool dude and even let me take a turn at the chopping block.

Now we were officially baptized in Texas cue. Good thing, seeing as how we had two more places to go...

Next - More Q at Smitty's and Black's...